I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Randomize
