Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
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