i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
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