so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
Sorry about my life...
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
