I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
I CAN MOONWALK!
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
