I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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