There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
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