Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
In other news, I just burned my penis
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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