careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
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