We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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