I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
