Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize