yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
