how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
