Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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