Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Randomize
