I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
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