My room smells like vodka and shame
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
