So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Randomize
