I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Randomize
