How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Randomize
