He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
Randomize
