Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
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