It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
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