I looked at my own cervix.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Randomize
