I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
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