fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
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