Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
