I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
The Redheads category on Pornhub is my number 2 site behind facebook on google chrome. I think I have a problem
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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