A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
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