I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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