You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
Randomize
