I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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