The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
I'm sobbing to NWA
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
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