You made me cry and you don't even care
thus making me awesome and them whores
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
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