just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Randomize
