I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
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