omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
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