I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
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