I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
