jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
Randomize
