In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
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