i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Randomize
