well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize