Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
Randomize
