is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
