What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Randomize
