Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
We're too hungover to prance.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
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