well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
Randomize
