we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
Randomize