Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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