I cannot find my penis.
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Randomize