bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
Randomize
