we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
