There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
Should I hook up with a slut its your call
Yes. Wrap it. If you dont have a condom do it anyway. YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
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