I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
Randomize
