She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
he high fived his dick after we had sex
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
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