Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
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