Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
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