Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
I love you. Go after that dick
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
