debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
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