Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
We left the knife in your bed.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
Randomize
